dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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