I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize