when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
