we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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