Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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