I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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