I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
