dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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