Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
