im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
