if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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