i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
