He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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