He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
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