Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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