True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
