her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
