I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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