He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
