i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
