if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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