Apparently you make a good broom.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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