I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
