Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize