Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Is this like a preordered booty call?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
