She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
