I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
