The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
