My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
