Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
