If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
