I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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