Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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