party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I need to sanitize my soul.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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