My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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