There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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