We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
