TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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