My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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