Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
