After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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