I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
