I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
