So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
