I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
