Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
