So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
