life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
So squirting runs in the family.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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