She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
