No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
