you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
