...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
