were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
