Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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