Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
In other news, I just burned my penis
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
