lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
