It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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