Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
