I wanna bring you to show and tell
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
