he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
