Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize