Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
