why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize