bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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