I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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