I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
